Infertility Awareness Week

The week of April 24th through May 1st is Infertility Awareness Week. This is something that is very personal to me and I wanted to mention it on the ol' blog. I found this poem over a year ago and I think it really describes infertility from someone who knows:

The robber of childhood dreams, The thief of wifely desires, The take of the assumed. Cry, scream, yell, Feel alone even with the arms of your husband around you. The monthly reminder, The fallen hopes. Dreams gone, Shattered like a fragile glass. The ever-empty arms that ache and hurt with the sounds of children laughing. The hidden pain at baby showers, The ignorance of people asking you, "When is your turn?" The failure. The child who walks by looking like the one you dream of, long to hold. The ever-present deep knife in your heart. Trusting that He will never leave us or forsake us Knowing that "[Nothing] will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:39 NIV) Believing that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13 NIV) Hoping that "You and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith" (Romans 1:11 NIV)

©2010 A ministry of Bethany Christian Services

I'm not really comfortable sharing my journey just yet. I guess I want to wait for my happy ending before I tell the tale. :-) Because I know I'll have one. I really just wanted to raise awareness for something that is important to me. Something I know effects a lot of couples. I think it's fitting that they scheduled this awareness week to be held just before Mother's day, which can be a very difficult holiday for folks who are still waiting.

I love the verses that are mentioned in that poem because these are the verses that help me every day. In ALL aspects of my life (job, moving, house, etc.)

Mommies: Be thankful for your babies every single day even the bad days and Mommy wannabes: Our time is coming!

Things I'm loving:

Today feels like a day for a list. A list of things I am currently loving:

1. Your Love is My Drug by Ke$ha. Love this song.

2. Saturday Night Live on Hulu. I can watch skits over and over and still crack up. Here's one of my favorites:

3. Genius on iTunes. Creates a cool playlist for me while I'm working around the house.

4. Zoning out on the treadmill. Love that my phone is also an mp3 player.

5. Books on CD for those drives to Tampa.

6. Mabel's House - one of my blog friends. She has gorgeous photos and amazing insights. She'll be a famous writer someday. Well she practically already is with her blog.

7. The Anthropologie Vernal Festoon Necklace

Ain't she a beaut? Too bad my birthday has passed.

8. Netflix on the Wii. You can watch all of the Netflix instant view movies on your regular TV. Matt and I are addicted. It's such great entertainment. We watch a different episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 every time I visit Tampa.

9. Taking showers at night and then just using the straightening iron on my hair in the morning. I am not really a morning person. Especially if I don't wake up on my own. Waking up and not having to do the whole washing and drying on my hair routine is wonderful. Why didn't I think of this sooner?

10. The old-school Polaroid camera I just bough on Ebay for a few bucks. The film will cost a little more but it will still be a super fun toy.

Bonfire thoughts

Our friend Chris, who worked with Matt at DOR had a bonfire one weekend. It was so nice to sit outside and chat with friends and watch the fire.

Matt kept his feet warm.

I have been a horrible blogger this month. This blog is sort of a semi-diary for me and this past month has been full of stress, traveling, praying, interviews and just plain being TIRED. So much so that I just really haven't had anything to blog about. I haven't even carried my camera around with me like I should. We have so much going on and are looking forward to being able to tie up some of our loose ends like selling the house and finding me a job in Tampa. We pray about it each night and I will be moving to Tampa at the beginning of May. It's scary to be without a job, but I have full confidence that God will provide for us and we will be fine. I feel sort of weird having this secure feeling when it feels like life is literally swirling around me in confusion, but I'm in the eye of the storm and the sun is shining and I feel really good. Thanks to all of your for your praryers, love and support. They're making a huge difference.

Swimsuit Season

My internet friend Katie over at www.marriageconfessions.com (go visit, she's hilarious) recently posted about the search for the perfect bathing suit. She's been living up north for the past few years even though she grew up in Florida and has just moved to Orlando. I call her my internet friend even though we've never met in person. I don't think we've even emailed, but I comment on her blog and she acknowledged me once on Twitter so by internet standards that makes us buddies.

Anyways, she was lamenting having to try on bathing suits which is something I think ALL women hate. Even if you're a skinny minnie. No one likes trying on a suit and trying to visualize what it looks like on without panties underneath. (I understand the purpose for wearing underwear when you try suits on but that doesn't mean I have to find it comfortable. And that little sticker in the crotch isn't fooling anyone.)

She was also worrying about which suit was best for her. One that would accentuate her positive and eliminate the negatives. So I had to share a secret that has made me feel SO SO much better about my body in a bathing suit. I gained this confidence after Matt and I made our first visit to a Disney water park. I was wearing a tankini and feeling a little self conscious about all the skin I felt I was showing. Within minutes of walking in those fears disappeared. I almost felt OVER dressed in a tankini. Tons of tourists and vacationers were walking around, floating around and sliding down water slides in miniscule bathing suits. Bikinis and speedos were all around and I can assure you not one of the folks wearing them was a Sports Illustrated cover model. Not even close. These people had ALL body types. I'm not saying there was any indecency. No one's unmentionables were showing (though I did see a bit more "cheek" than normal.)

The point for me was that these folks didn't care what other people thought of them. They were just excited to be on a vacation with their families at DisneyWorld. They were enjoying the sun, the water, the sights, the sounds, their kids, their friends, their grandmas, their pawpaws and everything that comes with a family vacation. They laughed, joked and were completely comfortable in their skin, even if some of it jiggled or hung out a little bit. I quickly learned that no one was looking at me. No one cared. I also learned that it was a lot more fun to be comfortable in my skin and run around a water park with Matt than it was to worry about whether my stomach was as flat as it could be or if my love handles were showing if my suit moved up a few inches. Because I was the only one that cared.

So my advice to you folks as bathing suit season approaches. Just be comfortable. And remember the only person that really cares is you. Don't let worrying how you look distract you from enjoying your time in the pool, on the river or at the beach with you loved ones.

and HAPPY SWIMSUIT SHOPPING!

(Katie, if you read this....the good news is that once you find some good bathing suits, they'll last you a few years and you won't have to go back and try anymore on for a while! Also - grab some good solid color tankini bottoms and then just mix and match different tops. Gives you twice as many bathing suits and lots of choices. I have about 3 black bottoms and 6 or 7 tops to mix with them.)

Stress

Stress does funny stuff to you.

Right now, I am stressed.

I am trying to find a job in Tampa, sell my house here and not go crazy missing Matt.
My house is empty of furniture except for the guest room furniture we moved to the Master for me to use.
I'm even short on kitchen supplies as I packed most of them for the apartment in Tampa.

I realize in the scheme of things these stresses are not that important. I have some close friends who recently and suddenly lost their father. I can't imagine what they're going through, so I feel a bit dramatic when I lament the stress I have. I'm lucky to have these problem. I'm lucky I have a sucessful husband who was recruited for such a great job. I'm lucky to have a house to sell. I'm lucky we have enough furniture to furnish my and Matt's needs. But I'm not perfect and it gets stressful to me.

So on that note, it's good to use this blog to remember the blessings I have, to help relieve the stress I'm feeling right now. Like the one's I mentioned above.



It also helps to remember the fun things that keep the stress away:
Watching Fantastic Mr. Fox that just came out on DVD. Great movie and it makes me smile. Taking pictures. Eating whatever foods I want for dinner because Matt's not here. Easter candy. Being reminded of the hard work I've done and graphic design I've created as I prepare my resume. Watching TV shows on my laptop -I'm enjoying Parenthood, The Office and Modern Family.

Parenthood, the movie from the 80's is actually the basis for the new TV show. I love that movie. Stars Steve Martin and lots of other cool actors star with hilarious/honest family stories. In the movie the sweet little grandmother describes life as this:

You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing.
I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

I'll take the roller coaster.

My Nephew!

I've been a bad blogger again. We've been in the midst of moving, cleaning and preparing our house to be put on the market these past few weeks. Big stuff going on!

Announcing the arrival of Baby G! I went home to celebrate my birthday and his arrival this weekend. He's adorable, precious, cute, cuddly, smart, handsome and probably extremely athletic. He's a doll.

Born February 28, 2010

A few weekends ago, Matt's roomate from college (also named Matt) stopped by Tallahassee on his way home to San Francisco. We enjoyed a cold afternoon at the beach and a delicious seafood dinner.


Friday afternoon sunset

The water and lighting were beautiful.

Helland and Crockett.

They went for a walk. I was too cold. I love the pink colors of the sunset.

SO SO glad it's Friday and looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Matt and I have lots of plans: dinner, firepit, movies, packing and some touch up painting. We're calling a real estate agent this week!

Apartment Hunting

The weekend we went to Tampa to find our apartment we actually stayed in Orlando so we could visit Disney.


I was happy we found an apartment and flew around the room like Superman. Matt was able to snap this picture despite my flying around the room "faster than a speeding bullet".....

Wil and Steve were excited we found a place as well. Wil was especially relieved to find out it had lots of space for walking, sniffing, peeing and barking. Stevie just wanted to be sure she could eat and sleep there on her normal schedule.

Epcot on Saturday night. We went there and had dinner around the world. Guacamole in Mexico, a warm and spicy drink to fight the chilly air in Germany, and fish and chips with vinegar in the UK. It was a wonderful way to wrap up our sucessful trip to Tampa.

On Sunday morning we went to the Magic Kingdom. It was gray and cold. We rode the Speedway as the line there was relatively short for once. Matt was excited to get behing the wheel of our awesome red, white and blue speedster.

Showering for Baby G.

I am SO behind in journaling life since Christmas. Matt's new job, while great news, has really thrown our regular lives for a loop. In mid January we traveled up to Birmingham to visit family and for yours truly to help host a baby shower for the arrival of my first nephew, Baby G.


Elizabeth did a great job with the decorations. These aren't technically "boy colors", but they're pretty and the orange is good for Baby G's parents who are Auburn fans.

Bunny hat handmade by Grammy.

Baby blanket that says "I Heart Aunt Ashley". What every child needs. I'm all about providing the essentials to parents-to-be. I plan to present the happy parents with a tattoo gift certificate for Baby G when he's born. The only requirement is that the tattoo have something to do with how awesome I am....haha. I kid, I kid.

Me with Katherine, Elizabeth and Maggie.

That little baby is very loved already and we're all ready to welcome him to the family!

Ch-Ch-Changes!

From Crawfordville, FL to TAMPA, FL!!!! So, there are some big changes coming our way. Matt recently accepted a position with Ernst and Young in TAMPA!!! After I got over being totally overwhelmed with the idea of moving, downsizing to an apartment and finding a new job I got excited. We're now packing up our house, preparing it to sell (hopefully sell quick!), and searching for that perfect job for me. I ask for your prayers for us during this crazy time. I have to admit it's been a HARD transition for me, and all along I thought this was something I wanted. :-) Be careful what you wish for, huh!?

I had some rough days with worry and panic, but I'm feeling more positive now. I'm excited about the cute little apartment we've rented with one blue wall (we picked the color). I'm excited about living in the middle of town instead of 30-45 minutes away. I'm excited about the Super Target and Whole Foods that is just down the street from our apartment. I'm excited about the Tampa Ikea, the Tampa Buccaneers and all the other cool news stuff we're going to find. I'm excited that SouthWest goes from Tampa to B'ham so I can get some good deals on flights home instead of driving eight hours. I'm excited about the opportunity of a new job and the possibility of a job offering more creative opportunities. I'm excited for Matt and this new job. He's SUCH a hard worker and too often that hard work is something that a state department just doesn't recognize. (Of course he's won about every worker award they have to give over his past 4 years (yeah, I'm a little proud of him.)) He's always been willing to work the extra hour and go the extra mile for someone calling him for help. He's always sympathetic, respectful and ALWAYS works to make the best decision for each situation. He talks about tax in the car, over dinner and before we go to bed. He worries over cases, meetings and letters. Not because they stress him out, but because he wants to be absolutely sure he's doing the right thing. Ernst and Young is very fortunate to gain a worker like Matt.

So wish us luck and remember us in your prayers as we start this new chapter in our lives. I know this is all part of God's plan for our lives and I'm excited to see what happens next. I'm going to enjoy life in the BIG CITY! (And only 45 minutes to DISNEYWORLD!!!)

(Matt's office is in the building on the right with a pyramid/triangle top.)