33 Weeks

*I posted this on my Baby blog as my week 33 entry. I wanted to share it here as well. 

Currently: 33 weeks

Left to go: 7 weeks

Me at 33 weeks and 5 days.

Week 33 of my pregnancy was/is the most difficult time of my life.

My mom very suddenly passed away on Monday, September 16, 2013. She had no symptoms that day. It was very sudden, unexpected and caught all of us completely off guard.

I am comforted knowing she didn't hurt. I am comforted knowing she never had to deal with an illness that slowly took her from her loved ones and her sense of self. I am comforted knowing she didn't have to deal with painful medical procedures or medications.

I know Jesus and my Grandpa greeted her in heaven and immediately introduced her to all the relatives she’s missed since she was little. They probably said things southern relatives are known to do, like, “We haven’t seen you since you were ‘this’ high!”.

She was a book worm, a seamstress, a decorator, a crafter, a great cook, and pretty much a renaissance woman.

The thing I have noticed about my mom this week is that she really had no favorites of anything. I couldn't tell you her most favorite color, she wore it all. I couldn't tell you her favorite food, she’d try anything. Her favorite book? She’s read so many she probably has no clue. Her favorite craft? She’d have a cross-stitch, a dress pattern laid out, a jewelry experiment AND a tie for my dad all going at the same time.

She was so equal and balanced. She always showed love to me and my sister equally and using personal ways of showing that love for each of us.

This week has been devastating, but I haven’t been brought down. I know exactly where she is. I know she loved me with all her heart and that I had made her proud. I know she felt the same for my sister, my dad, for Matt and for Robert. We were her joy and now she’s got a view on what we’re up to whenever she likes.

I strive to keep myself equal and balanced for B’s sake, too. My mom was so excited to finally be a grandmother. As soon as I heard the news she was gone and was able to process things a bit Matt and I talked about how Momma was already in heaven and had met B. She’s already held her for me. She held her first.

I take SO much comfort in this. B has one AMAZING guardian angel. Momma is taking care of B along with my future babies and Andrea’s future babies. She’ll send them down to us officially when the time is perfect. I cannot ask for better assurance than that. Momma’s working directly under the Big Guy in charge.

B will know ALL about her Marmee. I used my mom’s example in my marriage and will continue to use it as a mother. I’ll use it 1. Because I don’t know any other way and 2. Because she was really good at this job. 

We are all doing ok as a family right now. And I believe we will continue to do so. The hardest part is that we’re all aware of this missing presence. It’s stressful to your body as you’re just so aware something isn't right. I know this feeling will never go away. I still feel it with my Grandpa – but I know it will get less sharp as we all adjust.

God blessed me with Momma for 32 years. She taught me, inspired me and loved me. She’s safe in eternity now and I know I’ll see her again. My dad told her he’d see her “after-while”. So until then I will work to remember and live by her example.

She was praised as the Proverbs 31 woman at her funeral service. I remember reading that passage several times when I was younger. I tried to think of women I knew of who fit that description. I tended to look toward famous or well-known women to see if the descriptions and actions matched. They never did.

I hate that I never thought to look into my own family – to my own Momma – because I know I would have found that lady in her.

And now, I will place those Proverbs 31 words in my heart and carry on my Momma’s amazing personality, sense of humor, love for kids, crafts, and all of her renaissance lady ways to be the example for B that she was for me.

Me, B and Poppy.

We may be sad, but our family is great at finding reasons to smile through it.

Case in point:

One of these things is not like the other....

One of these is not a watermelon.
Uncle Robert, Aunt Andrea, Me and Poppy.

Can't wait for this precious arrival to make her debut! Had my 34 week check-up this week and got a good report on both of us. Baby B is got a strong heartbeat and measuring slightly big! :-)